Gigantocephalopodes irradiatus

Gigantocephalopodes irradiatus is thought to have mutated from the common octopus, Octopus vulgaris, as the result of a mixture of leaked petrochemicals, toxic dispersants, and radioactive waste being dumped into the Gulf of Mexico. Although a BP spokeman did not deny the well-established toxicity of the dispersants used to clean the petrol spill, he did emphatically deny that the amounts used could possibly cause this sort of terratogenic mutation alone. BP officials also denied all responsibility for the radioactive waste, citing the recently uncovered scandal involving the State of Texas dumping barrels of the waste into the gulf in a cost-saving measure. Scientists may never understand the exact combination which led to this monstrous mutation, but according to United States Coast Guard Admiral Harry Hausen, "Who gives a damn where the bastard came from; how the (expletive) do we kill the som'bitch?"